Scanxiety: (skan-zi-eh-tee) noun. the uneasy feeling patients have while waiting for results of their scans after cancer treatment
No matter how good I feel on a day-to-day basis, every six months, the reality of being a long-term cancer survivor comes crashing back. When it’s time for my checkup scans, I start to experience a familiar feeling.
The few weeks before my appointments I usually suffer from what I call “Scanxiety.” A feeling of anxiousness that comes before my routine scans to see if “it” came back.
What Is Scanxiety?
I used to get so nervous in the days and weeks leading up to my appointments that I found it difficult to not have anxiety attacks. As the years have gone by, the nervousness has subsided and my thought process is different.
I have been around the mesothelioma community long enough to know that at any time the cancer could come creeping back. That’s why I continue to see my doctors every six months, to stay on top of things and get some peace of mind.
Facing Scanxiety: From Fear to Relief
On one of my many visits, when I laid down for my scan and the machine turned on, I thought, “please no cancer, please no cancer, please.” Before I knew it, the scan was done, and I was off to my appointment at the office.
When I finally got in the exam room, a member of the healthcare team came in to see me, and he could tell I was anxious. When he told me there was no cancer anywhere, I just started to cry. I was so relieved. All the tension and worry started running out of me in the form of tears.
How I Navigate Scanxiety
I’ve always said that the best way to get out of my own head is to help others, and I take that to heart on all of my visits. After my appointments, I always go to the new patient orientation to speak with people who have recently been diagnosed with mesothelioma.
I meet with patients in the hallways and in the office. Friendships are made, and information is exchanged. I keep in touch with a lot of them. It gets my mind off of me and on what matters – giving people hope.
I know how they feel. I know the fear, the uncertainty and being overwhelmed with everything that lies ahead. I hope that, in some small way, I can alleviate some of that anxiety and be the glimmer of hope that they so desperately need.
For me, it’s the mesothelioma community that gives me strength. Each and every person I’ve had the good fortune to get to know has left a huge imprint on my heart. You would think that I would run out of room, but every time I meet someone new, my heart grows.
Spreading Hope
One thing I know for sure, I still have more work to do. People are still being exposed to asbestos. Mesothelioma remains a rare and aggressive cancer, and funding for research is significantly lacking. But most of all, people still need hope, and I know I can continue to provide that. So that’s what I’ll do.
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